A couple of months ago I took my other blog private and went screaming into the night.
Initially I went private because I thought a family member had found my blog. She seemed to know more about our foster/adopt journey than she should have. I found out, instead, that my sister-in-law had been oversharing with this family member (and half of my husband's hometown, apparently) when we'd specifically asked her not to. It was certainly painful to find that out, but in another way it was a relief. No sneaky readers. Blog unhidden. For a couple of days.
Until I discovered that a family in our county who already had both biological and foster children was being offered yet another child for adoption. A child with no biological connection to them or any of their kids. (A child WE had been approached about some weeks before.) Because THEY had a personal relationship with someone at D*C*F*S. While we waited childless for 2.5 years.
I mentioned this to a foster/adoptive mom friend in another part of the state, and she mentioned it to someone who is well-connected on both the state and national levels of a prominent foster parents organization. He was outraged at what had transpired and offered to file a grievance on our behalf with the state D*C*F*S office, and to come represent us at any meetings that might take place as a result.
So once again, I quickly made the blog private because I anticipated needing a place to vent everything out. But I decided quickly not to write about it. Even with a private blog, unless you know every reader personally, you still don't know who is actually there reading your words. I couldn't take the chance that I might reveal too much to the wrong person. So, no need for the blog to be private.
EXCEPT that before I could get online the next day to unhide the blog, I discovered that there was indeed someone reading whom I couldn't trust. I knew this person in real life - a foster parent in my county. She misinterpreted something I said and took it to mean that we might be offered the opportunity to adopt a child that she wanted. Rather than get any clarification or find out the truth, she instead freaked out and went racing to D*C*F*S to put a stop to it. Though she had no idea what she was talking about. I find it so ironic that this person was rah rah, Christian, "God will bring your child to you" until she had the very slightest inkling that we MIGHT be taking an opportunity away from HER, and rah rah Christian vanished. I still laugh about that sometimes.
Anyway, all of this happened in the span of a week or two. It was too much. So I kept the blog private and walked away for a while.
I thought about setting up a top secret blog that would provide anonimity. Even toyed around with one. But then I turned 42 and had an epiphany.
I am tired of hiding.
I am tired of watching what I say ON MY OWN BLOG so I don't offend anyone.
I am tired of worrying that someone from my real life is going to find my blog and be shocked about what I have to say.
I am tired of worrying that someone from my husband's hometown is going to find me here and start a whole new round of small-minded, small-town gossip about us. "Haven't you heard? They're INFERTILE!" and "Haven't you heard, they've been trying to adopt for almost THREE YEARS!" would quickly become "Haven't you heard? His wife is a SHREW!"
Initially I went private because I thought a family member had found my blog. She seemed to know more about our foster/adopt journey than she should have. I found out, instead, that my sister-in-law had been oversharing with this family member (and half of my husband's hometown, apparently) when we'd specifically asked her not to. It was certainly painful to find that out, but in another way it was a relief. No sneaky readers. Blog unhidden. For a couple of days.
Until I discovered that a family in our county who already had both biological and foster children was being offered yet another child for adoption. A child with no biological connection to them or any of their kids. (A child WE had been approached about some weeks before.) Because THEY had a personal relationship with someone at D*C*F*S. While we waited childless for 2.5 years.
I mentioned this to a foster/adoptive mom friend in another part of the state, and she mentioned it to someone who is well-connected on both the state and national levels of a prominent foster parents organization. He was outraged at what had transpired and offered to file a grievance on our behalf with the state D*C*F*S office, and to come represent us at any meetings that might take place as a result.
So once again, I quickly made the blog private because I anticipated needing a place to vent everything out. But I decided quickly not to write about it. Even with a private blog, unless you know every reader personally, you still don't know who is actually there reading your words. I couldn't take the chance that I might reveal too much to the wrong person. So, no need for the blog to be private.
EXCEPT that before I could get online the next day to unhide the blog, I discovered that there was indeed someone reading whom I couldn't trust. I knew this person in real life - a foster parent in my county. She misinterpreted something I said and took it to mean that we might be offered the opportunity to adopt a child that she wanted. Rather than get any clarification or find out the truth, she instead freaked out and went racing to D*C*F*S to put a stop to it. Though she had no idea what she was talking about. I find it so ironic that this person was rah rah, Christian, "God will bring your child to you" until she had the very slightest inkling that we MIGHT be taking an opportunity away from HER, and rah rah Christian vanished. I still laugh about that sometimes.
Anyway, all of this happened in the span of a week or two. It was too much. So I kept the blog private and walked away for a while.
I thought about setting up a top secret blog that would provide anonimity. Even toyed around with one. But then I turned 42 and had an epiphany.
I am tired of hiding.
I am tired of watching what I say ON MY OWN BLOG so I don't offend anyone.
I am tired of worrying that someone from my real life is going to find my blog and be shocked about what I have to say.
I am tired of worrying that someone from my husband's hometown is going to find me here and start a whole new round of small-minded, small-town gossip about us. "Haven't you heard? They're INFERTILE!" and "Haven't you heard, they've been trying to adopt for almost THREE YEARS!" would quickly become "Haven't you heard? His wife is a SHREW!"
I don't give a shit anymore. Yes, you read it right. I am 42-years-old and sometimes I use the word SHIT.
SHIT SHIT SHIT
Don't like it? Don't read it.
And oh by the way, to any local foster parents who may be reading - want to go racing to D*C*F*S with details from my blog? Don't bother. They already read it. They read my blog and oh by the way, THEY READ YOURS TOO! I know it for a fact. Did you really think they didn't?
(By the way, a big shout out to my local D*C*F*S employees reading this. Find us a kid yet?)
All that being said, it's also important to have integrity and play by the rules of the game I chose to put myself into. As a foster parent, I have agreed not to reveal identifying details and photos of any foster child. Period. Therefore, I won't be sharing any of those things here. Nor will I be setting up a secret decoder blog to share those things privately. Integrity is integrity. Period.
So here I am, back with lots to say and lots to share.
I'm here, I'm me, Get used to it.
