Wow – it’s been a long time but until now I haven’t felt strong enough to write about what I’ve been going through the past few weeks.
As I mentioned in my last post, I have had reflux for a while. It’s miserable to feel as if someone has you by the throat, even if you KNOW what it is and you KNOW you’re still going to be able to breathe and swallow. Bleck!
After trying OTC meds, I went to my family doctor who put me on two things, one for reflux and another medicine called Reglan. Basically, it empties the contents of your stomach quickly so that the quantity of acid you produce remains low. Within a couple of days of starting it, I spiraled into a horrible depression with severe, severe anxiety. I had never experienced anything like it before. I was bereft and hopeless and truly thought I was going to die. I couldn’t make sense of it at the time because I am happier and more content than I have ever been in my life.
I took Reglan for six days and am beyond grateful that an ER doctor took one look at me and had me stop it immediately. He informed me that it was rare but that Reglan can cause depression, suicidal thoughts, and extreme anxiety in some people. I, of course, was completely unaware of that at the time. I simply thought I was going crazy.
Even after stopping the drug, I was still struggling. My family doctor said he could give me something for depression/anxiety, but I decided to go see a psychiatrist instead. One of the first things he told me was that he believed Reglan was an “evil drug and should be pulled off the market immediately”. He said that most likely it had affected the serotonin levels in my brain and that it would just take a while for us to get those straightened out. I’ve been taking a mild anti-depressant (my first experience with that) for about a month and am feeling better. I’m still not at 100%, but at least I’m not at 2% anymore.
I saw a gastroenterologist a couple of weeks ago and he said he’d seen people have complete mental breakdowns while on Reglan. I have no doubt that I would have been one of those people. I don’t have the words to explain how scary it was. It was like waking up in a nightmare and having no idea how to get out.
My husband was so incredible. Sometimes all that got me through was him sitting and holding me for hours at a time. He rearranged his work schedule to be home during the worst week. He went to my doctor’s appointments with me, and drove me everywhere for a while. I know he was baffled by what was happening. I didn’t understand it myself and it was hard to even remotely convey what I was experiencing. It must have been as terrifying for him as it was for me.
As to the reflux, I’ve had an endoscopy (camera down my throat) and some testing on my gall bladder and everything has come back clear. No hernia, no gall bladder problems, just plain old GERD, or reflux. So that’s all good news. Now it’s just a matter of finding the right drug to treat that. I’ve been on Nex*ium for a couple of weeks and it seems to be helping some. We shall see.
With all I’ve been going through, of course the IF treatments have been put on hold. Ironically, I got my period in the midst of all this – an honest-to-goodness, five-day, not-drug-induced period. I haven’t had one of those in years.
For now we’re content to leave treatments on hold. I want to make sure that this depression/anxiety and reflux are completely under control before even THINKING about trying to get pregnant. The follis*tim in my fridge expires in August, so that’s kind of my deadline for deciding one way or the other – subject to change, of course!
So that’s my last month or so in a nutshell! I wanted to thank those of you who left comments or e-mailed letting me know you were thinking of me and missing me. It meant a lot to me.
backyard - hosta, fern and impatien shade bed 
my work in progress
backyard - hydrangea, hosta, and impatien bed 
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