A week ago we were in the thick of things with the two kids here. We were both exhausted. Our routines had been upended. My front room looked like a toy store exploded in it. I was finding Cheerios in the strangest places (and continue to do so). I barely had a moment to get to the bathroom, much less sit down for computer time or lay-across-the-bed-watching-some-ridiculous-yet-compelling-Bravo-show time.
By the way, anyone else watch “The Real Housewives of NYC”? I’m loving the fact that the Countess just got royally dumped by the Count. Perhaps now she can get over herself.
Anyhoo, today is the complete opposite. It’s quiet here – so blissfully quiet and my day is my own. A little cleaning, some e-mailing, some sewing (still working on the tree wall hanging for our kids’ room), maybe chatting with a friend later, and lots of taking care of my husband whose virus seems to have become a sinus infection. Poor guy!
My birthday is tomorrow – the big 4-1, and I usually use that occasion to take stock of my life – where I am and where I still want to go, if I’m making the “right” decisions, what I want my next year to look like. And I have to say, I’m happy.
Really and truly happy.
Of course there are things I would change.
I would lose a dress size or ten.
I would be working on the novel floating around in my head.
I would probably have a little one running around our home.
By the way, anyone else watch “The Real Housewives of NYC”? I’m loving the fact that the Countess just got royally dumped by the Count. Perhaps now she can get over herself.
Anyhoo, today is the complete opposite. It’s quiet here – so blissfully quiet and my day is my own. A little cleaning, some e-mailing, some sewing (still working on the tree wall hanging for our kids’ room), maybe chatting with a friend later, and lots of taking care of my husband whose virus seems to have become a sinus infection. Poor guy!
My birthday is tomorrow – the big 4-1, and I usually use that occasion to take stock of my life – where I am and where I still want to go, if I’m making the “right” decisions, what I want my next year to look like. And I have to say, I’m happy.
Really and truly happy.
Of course there are things I would change.
I would lose a dress size or ten.
I would be working on the novel floating around in my head.
I would probably have a little one running around our home.
Yes, I said “probably” because there are moments when O and I aren’t sure if we reeeeeeeally want a child in our home. It sounds ridiculous to say, given how much we love kids and how hard we’ve had to fight to get licensed as adoptive parents. (Still aren’t there yet!!!)
Simply put, we love our life together and we had a very small taste of what it was like to add another person to our mix.
Now granted, there were TWO people and they arrived on short notice, heavily caffeinated and sugared-up, to a house that wasn’t nearly as child-proofed as we’d thought. So the first afternoon/evening was a bit harried.
Okay, more than a bit.
But I think our time with the kids was a pretty good representation of what we can expect as full-time parents, and there were parts of it we simply didn’t like.
Most importantly, O & I didn’t get to spend much time together.
Now granted, there were TWO people and they arrived on short notice, heavily caffeinated and sugared-up, to a house that wasn’t nearly as child-proofed as we’d thought. So the first afternoon/evening was a bit harried.
Okay, more than a bit.
But I think our time with the kids was a pretty good representation of what we can expect as full-time parents, and there were parts of it we simply didn’t like.
Most importantly, O & I didn’t get to spend much time together.
We’d wake up and after a few minutes of snuggling and watching the morning news, for me it was all about the kids – getting them up and dressed and filling their little tummies as O got ready for work.
O would come home in the afternoon and by that time, I was ready for a break and would scurry into the bedroom to stretch out for a few minutes, or into the computer room, shutting the door and catching up on the outside world.
At night, we crawled into bed and laid there watching TV, somewhat shell-shocked and exhausted, waiting for sleep to take us. We were ships that passed in the night.
Of course, I know we’d get “better” at the rhythm of caring for kids (errrrr . . . ONE child. Only one.), and would then have more time to connect with each other. We just want to make sure that we never do anything to disrupt or damage our marriage. It’s the number one priority for both of us.
So that’s the source of our hesitation.
O would come home in the afternoon and by that time, I was ready for a break and would scurry into the bedroom to stretch out for a few minutes, or into the computer room, shutting the door and catching up on the outside world.
At night, we crawled into bed and laid there watching TV, somewhat shell-shocked and exhausted, waiting for sleep to take us. We were ships that passed in the night.
Of course, I know we’d get “better” at the rhythm of caring for kids (errrrr . . . ONE child. Only one.), and would then have more time to connect with each other. We just want to make sure that we never do anything to disrupt or damage our marriage. It’s the number one priority for both of us.
So that’s the source of our hesitation.
That being said, we both miss the kids and talk fondly about them all the time. If their foster parents called us today and said, "We can no longer care for them", we'd take them in a heartbeat.
I guess maybe it’s just hard to be committed in every moment to bringing a “mystery child” into our home. We know nothing about him or her – age, race, sex, situation, likes and dislikes, behavior, etc . . . I think once we have a little face in our minds, and our hearts, our hesitation will fade into the background and we’ll hit the ground running and find a way to make it work.
But the comforting thing is, if for whatever reason it never happens, we will spend happy lives together feeling blessed every day that we found each other.
I already have my birthday gift. I get to live my life with a wonderful man. Happy (almost) Birthday to me.
But the comforting thing is, if for whatever reason it never happens, we will spend happy lives together feeling blessed every day that we found each other.
I already have my birthday gift. I get to live my life with a wonderful man. Happy (almost) Birthday to me.
