Boy oh boy – it’s exactly a month since I last had anything to say here. Time flies when absolutely nothing is happening on the adoption front.
It’s been a strange month for me.
First of all, I’ve started having occasional heart palpitations. They are no big deal, except when they happen! They definitely startle me for the second or two that they last. Neither my family doctor nor my cardiologist are the least bit concerned which is a relief. They think the palpitations, or at least some of them, could be caused by the hormone changes associated with the beginnings of menopause, especially since a couple of them have been accompanied by very mild hot flashes.
Unlike a lot of women, I won’t mourn the loss of my period. I tend towards a thick uterine lining which leaves me at greater risk for endo*metrial cancer. Thus, the large dose of pro*vera I take monthly to prevent that from happening. So once we decided not to continue IF treatments, I was fine with the whole system shutting down for good. I’m not willing to go through any procedure to MAKE that happen, though they are out there, but any time now would be fine.
Whether they are hormone related or not, of course I’ve been thinking about menopause and entering the “next stage” in my life. Part of that thinking has been about whether I want to add a child to our family any longer, to the point that I’ve let a couple of calls from D*C*F*S go to voice mail as I stood looking at caller ID. As it turns out, the calls were for foster placements where there would be no chance of adoption, so we didn’t miss out on an opportunity to permanently add to our family, but dang I’m confused.
What I know (almost) for sure is that we just don’t want to foster. We talk about it from time to time, usually after we’ve received a call for the placement of a child who either will never be available for adoption, or who is completely out of the bounds of our “child desired” parameters. It goes back to what we’ve always been concerned about when it comes to fostering. Perhaps it sounds selfish, but we aren’t in this to be a place for the state to “park” a child for a year or two. We’ve always been very clear that our intention is to add to our family permanently. I don’t know if we have it in us at this point to risk our hearts, or turn our lives upside down for the opportunity to parent a child who may be gone in a year. I just don’t know.
As for the rest, I just don’t know about that either. There are still a couple of irons in the fire as far as children we are interested in. We are definitely on board with seeing those situations through, and are committed to parenting those kids if the opportunity should present itself. When we see how those play out, which I hope happens by the first of the year, O and I plan to sit down and reevaluate to decide what we want to do. I don’t want to half-ass this. If we want to do it, I want to be 100% committed. Perhaps all I need it some time to recharge my batteries/enthusiasm. If we don’t want to continue, I want to sell or give away all of our baby/child items, and turn the child’s room back into a guest room with a small farm table for me to craft and scrapbook and quilt on.
Our social worker called last week to ask if I wanted to train to help teach foster/adopt classes with her. I was so flattered, but didn’t feel like I could take her up on her kind offer. I simply don’t feel like I have enough experience with the foster/adoptive system to teach anyone anything at this point. I thanked her and asked her to keep me in mind again somewhere down the road.
I feel like I am all over the place with this post. Guess it reflects what’s going on in my head at the moment.
We are hosting a surprise party this weekend for my in-laws’ 75th and 80th birthdays. The small party I had originally envisioned has now grown to about 100 people. The most exciting thing is that one of my FIL’s army buddies from Korea is driving across the country to attend. CAN’T WAIT to see the look on his face! And on that note, I’d better scoot. I have a ridiculous amount of food to prepare.
Happy fall weekend everybody!
