Time Keeps Tickin'

I was in the tub last night thinking about just how hard this journey has been for us, particularly in the last year. Before that, we had the frustrations of 18 months of trying to just get our home study completed – its’ own particular brand of hell, to be sure. After that, the children we inquired or were contacted about were just faces on a computer screen. We didn’t know them. Meet them. Hug them. Sing them bedtime songs.

Ugh – what a brutal year.

One of the most difficult aspects has simply been the waiting. We’ve lived our lives in blocks of time this year, for sure. If only we could hang on for two more months or three more weeks or four more days or six more hours, the meeting/phone call/court date we’d been waiting for would happen and we’d finally, finally know more and maybe even have an ANSWER. Through those chunks of time, we’re just left hanging, wondering if our dreams will be answered or shattered.

Most of the time, those meeting/phone calls/court dates come and go and there is very little to report. It’s a let down almost every time, but at least we hear something. We’re able to process it and then put yet another “x” on the calendar and start the countdown to the next date.

And then there are the times that we countdown and wait and think, “All we have to do is make it through a few more days”, and that date marked on the calendar comes and goes and we hear absolutely nothing. It prolongs the agony and make no mistake, it is agony.

Amy’s court hearing on Monday? No idea.

The judge’s ruling on Mark’s case? I was told he would rule in two weeks, yet two weeks came and went with no news. Come to find out, he USUALLY rules in two weeks but doesn’t have to, and apparently he hasn’t yet – that or the ruling is sitting on his overworked secretary’s desk waiting to be typed up.

And so we wait some more. And that makes me want to cry.