Back when I was single, Christmas was a huge marker of time for me. Each holiday season, I’d get into my pj’s and sit in front of the tree late one evening looking at the twinkling lights, listening to the silence, and thinking. The branches were filled with memories, each ornament reminding me of a special time or place or person; of the passing years. Invariably, my mind would wander from the past to the future. I’d wonder what changes were in store for me in the coming year, and what my life would look like the next Christmas. Most often I’d wonder if the man of my dreams would be sitting beside my on that sofa with his arm around me as we looked at the lights and smooched and dreamed.
The rest of the year time passed without much notice from me but since we’ve started trying to have a baby, every single holiday makes me wonder.
When I put away my fall decorations this year, I wondered if I’d be pregnant or have a baby the next time I pulled them out.
On October 31st, I wondered if we’d be buying one of those ridiculously expensive yet adorable Halloween costumes to dress our newborn up like a pea pod next year.
When I decorated our Christmas tree this year, I wondered if I’d be able to hang one of those “Parent-To-Be” ornaments, or even a “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament on our next tree.
When the holidays were over, I wondered if the next time we dismantled our tree, we’d have to find another place to store it because it's currently in the closet in our “baby’s room”.
Even quasi-holidays are now getting to me apparently.
This morning I was wandering around in my fuzzy pink bathrobe, going from clock to clock making sure that they’d all sprung forward appropriately. As I was readjusting the time on my microwave, I wondered if next spring when I reached up to reset that same microwave, I’d have our baby tucked safely in my other arm.
The answer, unfortunately, is probably not but I do know one thing for sure. We’d better have a baby one of these days ‘cause I’m pretty sure our cats won’t appreciate being dressed up like pea pods.
