This morning our home is filled with one of the most beautiful sounds in the world – the sound of the silence that descends after a week’s worth of houseguests have gone home.
About eight years ago, I took a series of self-improvement courses through Landmark Education. I loved and hated every moment. To say that they were confronting would be a huge understatement, but the long hours and hard work were definitely worth it. Other than meeting my husband, nothing else has changed my life so dramatically and for the better.
During that time, I met four other single women also involved with Landmark and we struck up an unlikely friendship. Termed “The Goddesses” by someone along the way, we are all as different as night and day and quite likely would never have known or liked each other if we'd met under different circumstances.
A lot has happened since we first met as single women almost nine years ago. There have been marriages for two, new motherhood for one, grandmother-hood for one, job changes, breakups and broken hearts, and cross-country moves. And nine years worth of laughter and tears.
We are certainly not as close as we once were. Time and distance and differences have served to send us drifting apart over time. Some of us talk once a year, maybe. Others are on the phone once a week or more. But we always keep up with what the others are doing and this past weekend, the Goddesses gathered once again, this time here at my home.
About eight years ago, I took a series of self-improvement courses through Landmark Education. I loved and hated every moment. To say that they were confronting would be a huge understatement, but the long hours and hard work were definitely worth it. Other than meeting my husband, nothing else has changed my life so dramatically and for the better.
During that time, I met four other single women also involved with Landmark and we struck up an unlikely friendship. Termed “The Goddesses” by someone along the way, we are all as different as night and day and quite likely would never have known or liked each other if we'd met under different circumstances.
A lot has happened since we first met as single women almost nine years ago. There have been marriages for two, new motherhood for one, grandmother-hood for one, job changes, breakups and broken hearts, and cross-country moves. And nine years worth of laughter and tears.
We are certainly not as close as we once were. Time and distance and differences have served to send us drifting apart over time. Some of us talk once a year, maybe. Others are on the phone once a week or more. But we always keep up with what the others are doing and this past weekend, the Goddesses gathered once again, this time here at my home.
I was nervous about the weekend, mostly to see and reconnect with the best friend I’d had to take a break from several months before. Her inability to support me when good things happened for me had taken its’ toll over the years and I had to simply walk away to get some perspective. Things between us were fine. Above all I wanted her to be comfortable in my home and enjoy her weekend. We did find the time to talk, and she apologized for everything. It was nice to hear and I forgive her, but I intend to keep some boundaries in place with her – healthy boundaries.
Anyway, it was funny to see the changes in us. Where conversation was once about dating and men and sex, we were now talking about pre-school and aging parents and ailments. Where we were once able to stay up until all hours of the morning talking and laughing, we were now yawning and drifting towards bed well before midnight. Where we were once close enough to say anything to each other, we were now more careful in choosing our words to each other.
There were a couple of moments of friction here and there, but for the most part it was what our get togethers have always been – a time to talk and pour out our hearts and laugh and cry and be driven crazy by each other and remember how lucky we are to be friends.
One of the girls, lives near New Orleans so she stayed on for a few extra days waiting for Gustav to pass. We were happy to take care of her until she was able to return home yesterday. She had power, phone, and no damage so we were all grateful for that.
And what am I grateful for this morning? I'm grateful that my friends came to visit and I am grateful that I am now alone. That all is quiet. That I can run around the house naked beating on pots and pans if I want to and no one will be here to see or know or care! Tra la!
As for the latest on the “adoption thing”, you may recall that we discovered while in NC that our home study made no mention whatsoever of either our first or second home study visit with Mia, nor of the contingency plan for our child should something happen to us, including an interview with those people. I e-mailed Nicole about getting that set up and she was going to talk to the worker reviewing our case at the state office and get back to me with exactly what she needed.
She did not, so I waited a week and then e-mailed her again.
This time, we were informed that what was missing was:
a reference form from our minister
a reference form from O’s employer
our contingency plan, interviewed and typed
the first and second family consultations (our home study visits)
New week . . . new additions to the list . . . Why am I surprised?
We were able to take care of the reference form from O’s boss yesterday (though he’d completed and mailed one in months ago. Who knows what happened to it?). I had Nicole fax a blank one to O’s boss’ administrative assistant. She’s one of those great women who, once the paperwork gets into her hands, she won’t put it down until she’s tracked down O’s boss, made him fill it out (probably while standing over him), faxed it back to Nicole, and mailed the original to us. All that was completed within the span of two hours yesterday, God love her.
Obviously the contingency plan portion is on hold until someone from D*C*F*S contacts us to find out about it, and calls to set up a time to meet with O’s sister and BIL.
I must admit that I nearly flipped when I saw the “reference form from minister” portion of the list. O and I don’t attend church, except on the rare occasion that we go to services where his parents are members. We both have a relationship with God but I’ve never been a big fan of organized religion.
However, I went to church with my grandmother as a child and always felt strange and different because my parents didn’t attend. So O and I have always said that once a child was placed in our home, we would go and find a church as a family – one where we all felt comfortable. Not only would we be able to take the child’s denomination into account, but he or she could feel as if they had a voice in SOME portion of their new life. But for now, no church = no reference form from a minister.
I was angry on several levels – first that the state would REQUIRE something like that. I love this state. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. But that seemed pretty backwards to me.
I was also angry that if this WAS a requirement, why didn’t someone mention it to us six months ago? Nine months ago? We told Mia we didn’t attend church and she said that wouldn’t be a stumbling block to approval. Our paperwork clearly reflects that we don’t attend church. Why were they bringing it up NOW?
Of course, over the long weekend I couldn’t communicate with Nicole about this, so it gave me some time to think. How would I feel about quickly throwing myself into a church setting - in order to get to know a minister – in order to get a reference form filled out? Dirty – that’s how I would feel. It just seemed unbelievably dishonest.
My girlfriends tried to tell me that it was no different than joining a church once we had a child in our home. I would be doing it for our child’s benefit then. I’d be doing it for our child’s benefit now, just a little bit early. I could see their point, but I simply couldn’t reconcile it in my head.
I was angry on several levels – first that the state would REQUIRE something like that. I love this state. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. But that seemed pretty backwards to me.
I was also angry that if this WAS a requirement, why didn’t someone mention it to us six months ago? Nine months ago? We told Mia we didn’t attend church and she said that wouldn’t be a stumbling block to approval. Our paperwork clearly reflects that we don’t attend church. Why were they bringing it up NOW?
Of course, over the long weekend I couldn’t communicate with Nicole about this, so it gave me some time to think. How would I feel about quickly throwing myself into a church setting - in order to get to know a minister – in order to get a reference form filled out? Dirty – that’s how I would feel. It just seemed unbelievably dishonest.
My girlfriends tried to tell me that it was no different than joining a church once we had a child in our home. I would be doing it for our child’s benefit then. I’d be doing it for our child’s benefit now, just a little bit early. I could see their point, but I simply couldn’t reconcile it in my head.
So on Tuesday I sent Nicole an e-mail letting her know that we did not have a letter from a minister to provide. (I have several ministers in my family who would happily write a letter, but I knew that wasn’t what they were looking for.) I explained our plan, let her know that we’d discussed it with Mia, and asked if that would be a problem.
Happily, I got a note back from her letting me know that it was not a requirement after all and that she’d simply let our state worker know that we didn’t have one. I have no idea whether that will work against us at some point in the future, but I feel good about being honest with her.
But my favorite, FAVORITE part of all of this???
Nicole’s e-mail last week, listing the things still missing from our home study, ended as follows:
“I have sent Mia an email with a copy to the Director telling her this needs to be completed immediately. I will let you know the status next week.”
Yep, she’s sent it all back to Mia for her to complete. That will have to include sitting down and talking to us about our contingency plan. This is the woman who couldn’t be bothered to respond to the letter we sent her outlining our concerns. This is the woman who has ignored requests from the state to send in our missing paperwork, for SIX MONTHS. This is the woman who stopped inviting us to the foster/adoptive parenting group that she runs.
How fun is THIS going to be? Truly, I’m hopeful that she blows it off and we can just meet with Nicole and get this all done. It will definitely be either a very interesting or a very quiet few days to come.
We shall see.
Today is my mommy’s birthday – 70 years old. I’m making all of her favorites for dinner, none of which go together but all of which will make her happy. So I’d better go get started with some of the prep work.
My girlfriends, only one of whom knows a thing about football, watched the game with me on Saturday night. I explained that the guys in white were the good guys and the guys in orange were the bad guys, and that was all they needed to know. At one point when a Clemson player broke a long run and was sprinting down the field all of my friends, at the very same moment, said “Ohhhhhhhhh!” like, “This is baaaaaad.” I felt loved.
Happily, I got a note back from her letting me know that it was not a requirement after all and that she’d simply let our state worker know that we didn’t have one. I have no idea whether that will work against us at some point in the future, but I feel good about being honest with her.
But my favorite, FAVORITE part of all of this???
Nicole’s e-mail last week, listing the things still missing from our home study, ended as follows:
“I have sent Mia an email with a copy to the Director telling her this needs to be completed immediately. I will let you know the status next week.”
Yep, she’s sent it all back to Mia for her to complete. That will have to include sitting down and talking to us about our contingency plan. This is the woman who couldn’t be bothered to respond to the letter we sent her outlining our concerns. This is the woman who has ignored requests from the state to send in our missing paperwork, for SIX MONTHS. This is the woman who stopped inviting us to the foster/adoptive parenting group that she runs.
How fun is THIS going to be? Truly, I’m hopeful that she blows it off and we can just meet with Nicole and get this all done. It will definitely be either a very interesting or a very quiet few days to come.
We shall see.
Today is my mommy’s birthday – 70 years old. I’m making all of her favorites for dinner, none of which go together but all of which will make her happy. So I’d better go get started with some of the prep work.
My girlfriends, only one of whom knows a thing about football, watched the game with me on Saturday night. I explained that the guys in white were the good guys and the guys in orange were the bad guys, and that was all they needed to know. At one point when a Clemson player broke a long run and was sprinting down the field all of my friends, at the very same moment, said “Ohhhhhhhhh!” like, “This is baaaaaad.” I felt loved.
