Do you remember the episode of "Friends" where Joey was reading "The Shining" for the first time, and when he'd get really scared he'd put the book in the freezer? (That makes perfect sense to me, by the way.) So as I was reading the e-mail from Chris' caseworker on Friday afternoon, I reached over, plucked the photo I had of Chris from the bulletin board beside my desk and ripped it into 100 pieces. It wasn't a fit of anger or anything. I just knew that I could not look at that photo and keep it together. So I put the pieces in the garbage. And then I took them out of the garbage, put them inside an empty wet wipes container, and put it back into the garbage. Buried at the bottom under a week's worth of paperwork. Because you can never be too careful.
O and I are not *quite* done with the Chris/Amy situation. Our confusion comes from the fact that the judge explicitly told social services to investigate us as a possible placement for Chris, but it was very clear in the caseworker's e-mail that we were never under consideration - that they are "saving him" for an in-state family. I am interested to see how the CW reconciles those two things, so it is possible that O and I and our bright shiny faces will be in the courtroom for the next hearing, in case the judge has any questions for us. That's provided that Amy still wants us to raise her son, of course. Hoping to get some clarification about all that soon.
This was such a blow for us. We were both just so hopeful that finally, FINALLY things were going to go our way. But one of the things I respect so much about O is that he when he gets hurt or upset, he picks himself up and keeps on going pretty quickly. I am more of a "sit and stew for a while" kinda girl.
Overall I think I'm doing pretty well, though. O and I took to the highway Saturday and visited an old mill a couple of hours from home. He has this thing for mills. I have this thing for photographing mills. We had a fun lunch, listened to hours of '70's music on XM, drove through darling little country towns, and enjoyed the beautiful afternoon sunshine (in air conditioned comfort). Sunday O played golf and I straightened up the house and spent some time quilting. Then yesterday I looked at state adoption photo listings and heart galleries for half the morning. And I wasn't so very sad.
Of course, it is POSSIBLE that I could have a teensy tiny bit of underlying anger. Like at Friday evening's dinner when I was standing in line at the salad bar behind a man who was choosing each leaf of lettuce one at a time. Literally. It was ridiculous and pronounced enough that I wondered if I was on a hidden camera show. And just for a fleeting moment, I considered grabbing the salad tongs from his hand and thunking him on the head with them. I figured that would get the line moving again. So, there MAY just be a bit of residual anger and pain to work through yet. Just guessing. Ha.
I did contact Faraway State regarding a sibling group on their heart gallery website. I'm not sure if they've contracted out their adoption placement services to a private company or what, but I was floored by the speed of the responses I received. Within two hours of my inquiry, I had spoken to two people, received two e-mails, been given three peoples' office and cell numbers, and had, at the caseworker's request, forwarded our home study to the kids' adoption worker. And my favorite part? The messages on their voicemails that say the following: "You have reached the office of Case Worker. I am unable to take your call but if you will leave a message, I'll contact you within 48 business hours. If I do not contact you within 48 business hours, please call my supervisor Head CaseWorker at 555-555-5555." Are you KIDDING ME????? It was joyful! Anyway, I am now waiting for the adoption worker to get back in touch. I have no idea if we are a fit for these little ones or not, but my goodness it was refreshing to actually get e-mails and phone calls returned in such a timely manner. Who knew?
