O and I are on the verge of a decision.
There is a very strong possibility that in the next week, O and I are going to place a call to our SW and tell her that we are willing to foster.
Some of you who’ve been reading for a while are probably picking your chins up off the floor right about now. We’ve always been adamantly opposed to fostering for a number of reasons. We are, of course, concerned about having our hearts broken. We have little tolerance for people who abuse and neglect their children and as foster parents would likely have to deal with them on a regular basis. Given the way our “case” has been handled – or not handled, we are concerned about having a foster child in our home and not getting the support we would need from a SW (such as them being available to answer questions about the child in a timely manner, authorize Dr. visits, etc.).
All of those reasons are still valid.
But . . . we’re rethinking the age of the child we’re interested in.
Our paperwork currently reflects infant through ten years. Our preference has always been “the younger the better”, but we were willing to look at an older child.
In all the reading I’ve done, though, it seems that so many adoptive parents who’ve traveled that path say, “I love my child. I would not abandon them. But I could not, in good conscience, suggest that anyone else sign up for this.” To me that speaks volumes.
Now, I am aware that their experience would not necessarily be ours. I completely get that it’s not fair to paint all older foster children with the same brush. It’s simply that a young child has always been our preference, and while the paperwork reflects “up to age 10”, we don’t think we’ll ever be called about a very young child.
Also, foster parents are most always given first chance at adopting the children in their care should they become available. While there are people who foster simply to foster – as a way to make a difference in the life of a child - many people are fostering in order to permanently add to their families. Therefore, the number of younger kids available to adoptive parents who haven’t fostered is minimal.
Finally, we like the idea that we're giving a home to a child who really really needs it, even if they are ultimately returned to their bio family.
On the flip side, we realize we’re taking a risk by fostering. It seems unlikely that if we’re fostering, our SW is going to call us about a possible adoptive placement. Why would she do that, and make her life more difficult by having to move the foster child?
Our child’s room is big enough for two. Mia agreed with that, so what we’d do is request only one foster placement, freeing up the other space for an adoptive child. We’d also request placements ages three and under – maybe two and under.
Sigh.
Can you tell I’m just chasing thoughts round and round in my head about this topic?
Those of you who have been right on the verge of the same decision we are trying to make, I’m in serious need of whatever wisdom you can offer. Please feel free to e-mail me if you’d like, and thanks in advance for anything you can share.
I don’t know what we’ll ultimately decide, but I’m betting we’ll go for it. Which means that if we do, I’ll be out later this weekend getting a crib.
Funny isn’t it, that our SW thinks we’ll be approved to adopt within three weeks and NOW we’re going to foster. I just have to shake my head.
Life is so unbelievably strange.
