Friday morning I was feeling particularly frustrated about our childless situation. Part of it stemmed from last week’s birth of a family member’s child. I exchanged e-mails with this particular person (who I didn’t know very well) when she was going through IF treatments. Once she became pregnant I never heard another word from her. I’m not one to get my feelings hurt very easily but that hurt my feelings. Anyway, my MIL went on and on about what a cute baby she had and that, of course, started me thinking.
When I get in a funk I’m not one to sit and stew. It’s time to DO something, so I spent a while reviewing all of our options again.
I looked at our most recent health insurance policy to see if there had been any changes to their (non-existent) coverage for infertility. Nope. But the bottom line is that if we wanted to do IVF, we could find a way to make it work. We simply have no desire to pursue it right now.
In looking at international adoption, we are ineligible for several countries' programs because of our ages but there are other countries we could still adopt from.
I really don't think domestic adoption is too realistic for us because of our ages.
We recently received an e-mail from an acquaintance who adopted a child from an out-of-state adoption agency. She got a letter from the agency urging her to contact any potential adoptive parents who might consider an African-American or bi-racial infant. She said the last time she received such a letter they were literally “overflowing” with babies. I contacted them and they require potential adoptive parents be Christian, attend the same church, and have their pastor complete a Church Evaluation Form (who knows WHAT that is?!?!?) Though we are both Christians, O & I don’t currently attend church. We’ve talked about finding a church where we both feel comfortable but we just haven’t done it yet. I guess we could quickly get involved with a church in order to have that form filled out, but that seems dishonest to me. However, the option remains.
So after an hour or so of looking at everything, I still came back to adopting through the foster system. For all its’ problems, it just seems like the best route for us right now.
O called our SW on Friday to see if she would take a minute to contact the state office to check the status of our home study. We normally wouldn’t be so anxious but we really want to be considered for that one particular 8-year-old boy and feel like time is slipping away for that. Her response was that they’d contact her when they were through or if they had questions.
Translated: No.
When O told me that, I got all fired up but then it just hit me.
I CHOSE this particular path towards motherhood and put very simply, I have to play by the rules of the game I put myself into.
Period.
There is nothing else for me to do unless I want to take myself out of the game. I am still confident that our child or children will find us through the foster system so for now I have to sit tight, wait, and put up with whatever happens (or doesn’t happen) as things unfold. I don’t have to like it. I just have to do it – until I don’t want to do it anymore. Getting upset or frustrated about it only ruins MY day.
I’m glad I had that epiphany because we had such a nice, relaxing weekend. I worked on my quilt, read, had a dear friend over for dinner on Saturday night, watched a Dead*liest Cat*ch marathon off and on, and watched the Master’s with O. (I know . . . golf on TV . . . yawn! But the course is so beautiful and as long as I have someone to cheer for or against, I’m good to go.) This weekend is the perfect example of how important it is that I not miss out on my life now as I wait for my life as a mom to begin.
I may need y'all to remind me of that from time to time, though. K?
One thing I'm going to do as we wait is to put together binders with some of our information including our “Child Desired” form, letter of introduction, an overview of who we are, and the letter we wrote to children who might potentially be matched with us. I'll also add in a few pages with photos of us, our home, and the farm. Once we get final state approval, I will send them to SW’s in surrounding counties letting them know that we’re out here looking for a child. I’ll also have them available to send to SW’s in other states as we contact them about children we’re interested in.
So I've found a little peace AND I have a little project. Life is good.
When I get in a funk I’m not one to sit and stew. It’s time to DO something, so I spent a while reviewing all of our options again.
I looked at our most recent health insurance policy to see if there had been any changes to their (non-existent) coverage for infertility. Nope. But the bottom line is that if we wanted to do IVF, we could find a way to make it work. We simply have no desire to pursue it right now.
In looking at international adoption, we are ineligible for several countries' programs because of our ages but there are other countries we could still adopt from.
I really don't think domestic adoption is too realistic for us because of our ages.
We recently received an e-mail from an acquaintance who adopted a child from an out-of-state adoption agency. She got a letter from the agency urging her to contact any potential adoptive parents who might consider an African-American or bi-racial infant. She said the last time she received such a letter they were literally “overflowing” with babies. I contacted them and they require potential adoptive parents be Christian, attend the same church, and have their pastor complete a Church Evaluation Form (who knows WHAT that is?!?!?) Though we are both Christians, O & I don’t currently attend church. We’ve talked about finding a church where we both feel comfortable but we just haven’t done it yet. I guess we could quickly get involved with a church in order to have that form filled out, but that seems dishonest to me. However, the option remains.
So after an hour or so of looking at everything, I still came back to adopting through the foster system. For all its’ problems, it just seems like the best route for us right now.
O called our SW on Friday to see if she would take a minute to contact the state office to check the status of our home study. We normally wouldn’t be so anxious but we really want to be considered for that one particular 8-year-old boy and feel like time is slipping away for that. Her response was that they’d contact her when they were through or if they had questions.
Translated: No.
When O told me that, I got all fired up but then it just hit me.
I CHOSE this particular path towards motherhood and put very simply, I have to play by the rules of the game I put myself into.
Period.
There is nothing else for me to do unless I want to take myself out of the game. I am still confident that our child or children will find us through the foster system so for now I have to sit tight, wait, and put up with whatever happens (or doesn’t happen) as things unfold. I don’t have to like it. I just have to do it – until I don’t want to do it anymore. Getting upset or frustrated about it only ruins MY day.
I’m glad I had that epiphany because we had such a nice, relaxing weekend. I worked on my quilt, read, had a dear friend over for dinner on Saturday night, watched a Dead*liest Cat*ch marathon off and on, and watched the Master’s with O. (I know . . . golf on TV . . . yawn! But the course is so beautiful and as long as I have someone to cheer for or against, I’m good to go.) This weekend is the perfect example of how important it is that I not miss out on my life now as I wait for my life as a mom to begin.
I may need y'all to remind me of that from time to time, though. K?
One thing I'm going to do as we wait is to put together binders with some of our information including our “Child Desired” form, letter of introduction, an overview of who we are, and the letter we wrote to children who might potentially be matched with us. I'll also add in a few pages with photos of us, our home, and the farm. Once we get final state approval, I will send them to SW’s in surrounding counties letting them know that we’re out here looking for a child. I’ll also have them available to send to SW’s in other states as we contact them about children we’re interested in.
So I've found a little peace AND I have a little project. Life is good.
