“Why I Love All You Moms”.
It was one of those “Moms are so awesome and they do everything for everyone and blah blah blah”.
Why would you send me that ON MY 40TH BIRTHDAY, dear SIL? Remember all that infertility nonsense we told you about? Remember the last time you came over? Like three weeks ago? Was there a child living in our child’s room? Nope, so I’m guessing that the whole adoption thing hasn’t worked out yet either. But hey, thanks for the reminder of what I’m not, ON MY 40TH BIRTHDAY! Love ya! Big kiss!
2. Is there one single woman on “The View” that doesn’t need to SHUT UP immediately?
3. Did I miss the memo where American women have been urged not to flush in public restrooms? It’s not that difficult. It doesn’t take very long. Come on ladies, hang out for a minute. If at first you don’t succeed, flush flush again.
4. My experience is that many of the women of my husband’s small hometown are cliquey and standoffish until they hear I’m married to D and that I’m J & B’s DIL. Then they become extremely sweet, smiley, and fawning. So I’m guessing it would be wrong to take out an ad in the local paper telling them all to suck it? Hmmm?
5. On Monday I called the cardiologist I saw 2 years ago to ask him if I needed antibiotics before dental work. I have an atr*ial sep*tal def*ect – a tiny hole between the upper chambers of my heart. It is very common – one in four people have it and it rarely causes any problems. I just couldn’t remember if I needed to do anything before dental work.
The cardiologist wouldn’t answer my question unless I came in for an office visit. I called his partner in another office who my MIL sees. He wouldn’t answer my question either, even though he had access to my records too.
So I went in to see him on Monday afternoon and literally spent four minutes with him. No, people with ASD’s don’t need antibiotics before dental work, which of course he couldn’t tell me without a $150 office visit and oh by the way, “since I was already there” he recommended setting up an echocardiogram for the next day to make sure the hole hadn’t changed.
Normally I would have said no.
He’d just spent three of the four minutes telling me that my particular defect was tiny, should never cause problems, blah blah blah. BUT, I put the defect on my paperwork for the adoption physical. My SW never mentioned it (probably because she never read the physical form) but I’m sure that somewhere along the way, the words “heart defect” will raise a red flag. This way I would be prepared if the state needs more information.
Anyway, as we were walking out of the exam room, he laid my bill on the counter and I saw that he’d written “Chest Pain” and “Shortness of Breath” as his diagnoses. I found that surprising since the only chest pain I’d had was 2 years before after lifting heavy rocks while landscaping our yard (inflammation) and that I’d never had shortness of breath.
I didn’t say anything at the time but when I went in for the echo on Tuesday, I told the women at the front desk that I had some concerns about the diagnosis that the doctor had written on my bill. They pulled it and began wildly tap dancing.
Receptionists and nurse: “Maybe he meant HISTORY OF chest pain.”
Me: “Except that’s not what he wrote.”
Receptionists and nurse: “Well, maybe he put that because that was Dr. Partner’s diagnosis.”
Me: “From two years ago?”
Receptionists and nurse: “Well, the other diagnosis is shortness of breath? Have you had that?”
Me: “Never. Not then. Not now."
Receptionists and nurse: “Now where exactly did you SEE the bill?”
Me: “Well, I came out of the exam room right behind him and he laid it on the window as I walked up to make today’s appointment.”
Receptionists and nurse: Blank stares
Me: “You know, if he’s just looking for a diagnosis to get insurance to pay, I’m not comfortable with that. Especially because if we ever have to purchase medical insurance, I am going to have both “chest pain” and “shortness of breath” on my medical history when neither are the case. I'm also not interested in having today's test if I don't actually need it.”
Receptionists and nurse: Tap tap tap . . . shuffle papers . . . “Well, we’ll check on it and find out.”
Did I mention that all three of the women behind the desk are from my husband’s hometown? They were distantly polite till they found out who I was and then it was “Oh! I go to church with your in-laws! I LOVE them.” “My husband plays golf with your husband!” “My kids are in the same grades as your niece and nephew!” I even found out from them that my nephew didn’t go to prom because his girlfriend couldn’t come up for it. Sweetness and light abounds!
So here I am being a difficult patient because their doctor put down two bullshit diagnoses to get insurance to pay for what we both know was a bullshit office visit and they don’t quite know what to say. I’ll bet tongues have been wagging all over town ever since about O’s bitchy wife. HIPAA means very little 'round these parts, trust me.
This whole thing bothers me. Yes, we have great insurance that will pay for these visits, but part of the reason that insurance costs are so insane is for this very reason. Bullshit office visits and bullshit diagnoses.
6. Night sweats – those suck – who knew?
7. I have decided that as a resident of my state I will be purchasing a pollen-colored car and pollen-colored clothes for this most wonderful time of year when even the air is a sickly greenish-yellow.
