Did I mention that we were thisclose to having a child placed in our home a couple of months back - the most adorable, magical little kid you'd ever want to meet?
He would have been a legal risk placement, meaning that his case appeared to be headed for TPR, but there were no guarantees. All we were assured of was that we'd have him for a couple of months. Then we'd have to see what the judge decided - TPR, back to bio parents, or more time in foster care while bio parents were given yet an other opportunity to get their s*&^ together.
We went into it determined to be smart - to remember that this wasn't our child and we needed to guard our hearts because it was very possible that we'd have him for a month or two and then he'd be gone forever.
That plan? Lasted all of about five minutes.
We were completely enchanted with this child from the start. We spent lots of time with him and he seemed to be comfortable and happy in our home. Overnight visits went beautifully. Our days were spent in the sandbox, swinging on the swing O put up, chasing very patient cats and a one-eyed dog, feeding chickens, and doing artwork.
This child totally and completely fit into our home and our lives like he'd always been here. He had become (appropriately) attached to us too.
We'd begun to transfer his stuff to our house from his foster home. And then one Monday morning I was on the way to pick him up for a visit - our last visit before he'd move in, and I got a call from his worker. I can't share anything about what I was told, but it completely stopped us in our tracks.
I called O, I called our SW whom I trust implicitly, and I called my girlfriend in GA who is a foster mom. All were in agreement that we should walk away - that it was absolutely in our best interest. (Well, my girlfriend in GA said to "RUN!" and at the time, our SW only said that the situation we were confronted with would most likely get much worse before it got better. She told me later that we'd done the right thing - that she would have absolutely done the same thing.)
So I made what was simultaneously the most difficult and the easiest call I've ever had to make, and told his SW that we could not proceed. Nothing the little one did, nothing we did, nothing social services did. It was something that someone else did - and if what you put out into the world really does come back around to you, this person should expect a sh$%storm to descend upon them any time now.
We miss the little one every day. We think of him and hope that he is well and happy. We know he must have wondered, at least initially, what happened to us. That makes us sad. But his worker has assured us that if another adoptive placement isn't found for him and if TPR is done, we will absolutely be considered for him. Who knows?
If we'd been able to proceed with our plan, I would have had someone to tuck into bed on Mother's Day. Sigh.
Ah well, for a few days I knew what it was like to have a wonderful, magical little creature in our midst. I knew what it was like to get big hugs in the morning and to sing someone to sleep. I finally got to see O be a dad. He was really good at it.
And as Mother's Day 2010 approaches, that will have to be enough . . . for now.
