We're living our lives in a bit of limbo these days.
Mid-March, we were approached by an out-of-state friend regarding one of her foster children - let's call him "Chris". Chris' birthmom "Amy", who is quite young and has other children, had come to the realization that with everything on her plate, she wasn't going to be able to regain custody of Chris. Above all, Amy didn't want to totally lose contact with Chris and she knew that if the case went much farther, TPR would be done and Chris would be adopted and gone from her life forever.
Social services had begged Amy to think of someone - anyone - to take Chris. Sadly, she has no one who would be acceptable. Then she thought of us.
Amy knew about us and contacted our friend, Chris' foster mom, to find out if we'd be interested in adopting him, and if we'd allow some communication to continue between them - maybe letters, photos, and occasional calls or visits. I told our friend that we'd definitely be open to that as long as it was safe and healthy for Chris.
We drove to the other state last month to see Amy. We all met at a local park.
My heart went out to Amy. To be quite honest, I walked away wishing we could adopt HER. To be that young, to have been through what she's been through, and to have no one - NO ONE - to support her. My heart just broke.
Anyway, I don't think the meeting could have gone any better. Our friend warned me that Amy was very shy, but once I told Amy how nervous I was, she admitted she was nervous too and we were off to the races. She talked and talked and talked and I felt really honored that she opened up to me. I answered all of her questions as best I could, and we laughed a lot. She left our afternoon at the park seemingly very enthusiastic about us raising her son.
That was a month ago. (It seems like 6 months ago. Time is dragging.)
She has an attorney and their advice was for Amy to move slowly with this. I would imagine that the attorney wants Amy to be very very certain of her decision, and to see if there might, in fact, be a chance for Amy to keep Chris. I completely understand that.
The next step, if she chooses to move forward, will be for Amy to contact her SW and let her know she has identified someone to raise Chris. Ultimately, the decision will be social services', but the fact that we are already an approved foster/adoptive home should only work in our favor. I'd think that being out-of-state would be a strike against us, though. More work for the SWs.
If you'd asked me on that bright sunny afternoon last month whether I thought this would work out, I'd probably have said yes. Now, I'm not so sure. (I haven't heard anything about what's going on in a couple of weeks or so, so this is strictly based on what's running around in my head.)
For this to happen, Amy is going to have to be PROACTIVE - to take specific steps to prevent Chris' case from going to TPR. Frankly, I'm not sure that Amy has ever done anything proactive in her life. She seems to be someone to whom life happens and she is simply swept along with the flow.
That is not a criticism, by the way.
She is so, so young. She started off with 2 1/2 strikes against her coming from the family she does. There's not a lot of opportunity to take a stand for yourself and create anything for your life when you're just trying to stay alive and overcome the serious mistakes of your past.
She also seems flaky. Again, most likely a product of her age and immaturity.
She is also intimidated by SWs and judges and attorneys. For her to take a stand and say, "This is my son and THIS is the way I want it to be" may be more than she is capable of.
Who knows? We are head over heels for Chris, though, so we are willing to wait and see what happens.
That leaves us in a bit of limbo for the moment, though. We can't really consider taking a foster placement until this is resolved one way or the other. If things do fall into place, we need to be free to travel back and forth to the other state - and quickly - as often as necessary. We couldn't do that with a foster child without constantly getting travel requests approved by judges.
Usually I can look at a situation and wager a guess as to how things will go. This one has me bumfuzzled. I simply have no idea. I do know that historically, hope has not been our friend.
That being said, tucked away in the corner of my craft closet, I DO have wooden letters that spell out Chris' name, just waiting for a phone call that allows me to take them out and paint and decorate them and get them on the wall for his homecoming.
Now wouldn't that be something?
Now wouldn't that be something?
