I woke up early this morning and lay in bed watching O sleep for a while. I thought about yesterday’s craziness wondering what today would bring. I closed my eyes, running through the faces of all the children we’d thought were going to be our children over the past three years. Such beautiful little faces.
When O woke up, we laid in bed as we almost always do, watching a few minutes of news, some sports, and a little bit of “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” It’s good to start the morning laughing.
I was so content in that moment, snuggled up with O in our nice warm bed. Then AFV played a series of videos of parents surprising their kids with trips to Disneyland/world. The last little girl was probably eight, and when she realized where they were going, she had a laughing, crying breakdown. She was just so dear. And I started crying, just enough for the headache I’ve been keeping at bay for the last 24 hours to return.
I am so weary in this journey.
But loves always hopes and because I love our child – a child I may never have met – may never meet – I continue to hope. It’s the only thing that keeps me going.
So today I will keep the Tylenol and the phone close and hope with all my heart that one day soon I can sit down at this desk and write these words:
“Chris is ours.”
