The one thing we've found to be absolutely certain in this foster/adopt journey is that absolutely nothing is certain. Including our stance on some issues.
Not too long ago, O and I came to the conclusion that we could no longer put our lives on hold to wait for Amy to decide if she wanted us to raise her son Chris. We adored him but didn't have a good feeling that Amy was going to follow through with what she'd said she wanted to do.
That situation has changed, of course. Amy told social services about us. It now remains to be seen if they'll follow through on her wishes. Or if the judge will ever find out about Amy's wishes and rule on them. Or whether Chris is adopted in-state and never seen by any of us again.
But there is a wrinkle to all this - one that I haven't shared on this blog. Along with beautiful little Chris, there is another baby - one to be born in the coming months - one that Amy has said she wants us to raise. With that situation come the same basic concerns, of course. Will she follow through? Or will she change her mind? We just have no idea.
So we're at another crossroads.
Do we wait and see what the state has to say about us raising Chris? And do we wait and see what happens with the baby?
Or do we accept foster placements and resume actively looking for a child to adopt, both in our state and around the country? It really is an either/or proposition.
If we accept a foster placement of one child and we are chosen for Chris, we will not be able to travel back and forth across state lines to do the necessary visits with him that will be required by social services. Not without a judge's order for every single trip.
If we accept a foster placement of two children, our home is full. If we are chosen for Chris, either we will have to have foster kids moved from our home (which we don't ever want to do) or we will have to tell the other state "no", walking away from a child who has already stolen our hearts.
If we decide to look outside of our state for a child to adopt and have our home study sent to another state, our state will not release our home study to any other state for three months (or until the first state decides whether we are a fit for their particular child). So if we are interested in a child in Minnesota, request our home study be sent, and then hear from Chris' state that we can adopt him, we could not have our home study sent to Chris' state until Minnesota "releases it" - up to three months. If that were the case, we would lose out on our opportunity to be Chris' mom and dad.
So the crossroads we are at is simply this:
Do we walk away from the possibility, however slight it may be, of being Chris' or his infant siblings' parents and throw ourselves totally into our search elsewhere?
Do we accept a foster placement, knowing that it's likely the child will either be returned to his family or that we'll be in for literally years of waiting and wondering if they will be able to join our family permanently?
Or do we sit tight and see what these long, hot summer months hold in store for us?
That was a decision we were faced with yesterday when we were offered two separate foster placements. Neither seemed like it would end in adoption, but of course, who knows?? So before O called the SW back, we sat at the kitchen table and asked, "Are we in or are we out?" re: the situation(s) with Amy.
And the answer is that we're in.
We are going to hold off on foster placements and on searching for kids who are available for adoption until we return from our annual trip in October. We will know by then how things have played out both with Chris and the baby. Yes, it might be foolish to put our lives on hold for another 3.5 months and in the end we may be left heartbroken. But you know what?
Chris is worth that risk - so is his sibling - and so is Amy, for that matter.
