It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! ~Mark Twain
Happy Spring everybody! What a glorious day, but not for the reason you might think. It’s actually cloudy and windy but it rained hard enough in the early morning hours that we still have puddles in the yard. Puddles make us seriously happy 'round these parts.
Historically, the arrival of spring has meant all sorts of new possibilities for me. It’s been a time to begin projects, go off in new directions, and participate in some serious daydreaming. I’m sure you can guess the subject of my daydreaming this fine spring morning– finding our child and bringing him/her home.
In one way it seems as if we are “this close” – in another I feel like we are so far away.
One of the strangest aspects of this situation is knowing absolutely NOTHING about the details of how this will unfold. When you’re pregnant, you probably won’t know the exact date you’ll deliver but you can come pretty close. You may not choose to find out the sex, but at least you know that you’ll be bringing home an infant.
With us, everything last thing is a question mark. Infant or 8-year old? Black or white? Boy or Girl? Formula or grilled burgers? Princesses or football? Diapers or basketball uniform? Hair bows or crew cut? Athlete or Artist? Gay or straight? Bed or crib? Yellow farm-themed room or complete redecorating? Daddy’s girl or Mama’s boy? Struggling student or top scholar? Singer or Dancer? Happy-go-lucky or angry with the world? Slow and leisurely “get-to-know you” or last-minute-out-of-the-blue phone call? Will we see anything of ourselves in this child – anything at all?
WHO is this child????
My head fairly spins with all the questions.
So as I sit here at our desk looking about the window and thinking about this child – our someday child - right now there is a blank space where his/her face will one day be. Except . . . I might have already seen the face.
As I mentioned a few days ago, I ran across a photo of an 8-year-old boy on a state adoption website. I have looked at thousands of photos of children available for domestic adoption over the last 9 months. There have been some I’ve been interested in but this child’s description/photo struck me like no other ever has - not even close.
Of course, we are at a standstill until our paperwork is completed/forwarded to the state adoption office by our social worker. Until then we can’t be considered as a possible match for him and can’t find out anything else about him.
I am trying not to get ahead of myself. I do realize that we have very little information about him at this point and that ultimately we have no control over when our home study is submitted. So, I am trying not to get my hopes up that we might have an opportunity to be matched with this child. But I 'd be lying if I said his face wasn't floating around in my spring daydreams today.
I saw my SW last night at a foster/adoptive parent meeting. It was fun to meet some area parents and some of their foster children. I was hoping to get a word with our SW to make sure she was still on track to complete everything Friday, but after the meeting she was swarmed so I zipped off an e-mail this morning. Still waiting for a reply . . .
So for now, I'm daydreaming, obsessively checking my e-mail, watching a Top Ch*ef marathon, and waiting to leave for our IF support group get together tonight. Hi girlies! Can't wait to see you!!!
Wishing you all wonderful spring daydreams today!
